hey everybody (read : anyone who reads this),

why don't i update this anymore?
well, i have grown rather addicted to livejournal.
i'm debating a comeback to blogdrive, though.
mainly i want to be able to play around with my design again.
so uh... when i return from usaf basic training,
if i remember this, and i still want to come back to blogdrive,
i will probably make a whole new blog and link you to it. ♥

i love my country
by which i mean
i am indebted joyfully
to all the people throughout its history
who have fought the government to make right
where so many cunning sons and daughters
our foremothers and forefathers
came singing through slaughter
came through hell and high water
so that we could stand here
and behold breathlessly the sight
how a raging river of tears
cut a grand canyon of light

yes, i've been so many places
flown through vast empty spaces
with stewardesses whose hands
look much older than their faces
i've tossed so many napkins
into that big hole in the sky
been at the bottom of the atlantic
seething in a two-ply
looking up through all that water
and the fishes swimming by
and i don't always feel lucky
but i'm smart enough to try
cuz humility has buoyancy
and above us only sky
so i lean in
breathe deeper that brutal burning smell
that surrounds the smoldering wreckage
that i've come to love so well
yes, color me stunned and dazzled
by all the red white and blue flashing lights
in the american intersection
where black crashed head on with white
comes a melody
comes a rhythm
a particular resonance
that is us and only us
comes a screaming ambulance
a hand that you can trust
laid steady on your chest
working for the better good
(which is good at its best)
and too, bearing witness
like a woman bears a child:
with all her might

born of the greatest pain
into a grand canyon of light

i mean, no song has gone unsung here
and this joint is strung crazy tight
and people been raising up their voices
since it just ain't been right
with all the righteous rage
and all the bitter spite
that will accompany us out
of this long night
that will grab us by the hand
when we are ready to take flight
seatback and traytable
in the upright and locked position
shocked to tears by each new vision
of all that my ancestors have done

like, say, the women who gave their lives
so that i could have one

people, we are standing at ground zero
of the feminist revolution
yeah, it was an inside job
stoic and sly
one we're supposed to forget
and downplay and deny
but i think the time is nothing
if not nigh
to let the truth out
coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
i mean
why can't all decent men and women
call themselves feminists?
out of respect
for those who fought for this
i mean, look around
we have this

yes
i love my country
by which i mean
i am indebted joyfully
to all the people throughout its history
who have fought the government to make right
where so many cunning sons and daughters
our foremothers and forefathers
came singing through slaughter
came through hell and high water
so that we could stand here
and behold breathlessly the sight
how a raging river of tears
is cutting a grand canyon of light

yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation
and once upon a time
we were moonshine
rushing down the throat of a giraffe
yes, rushing down the long hallway
despite what the p.a. announcement says
yes, rushing down the long stairs
with the whiskey of eternity
fermented and distilled
to eighteen minutes
burning down our throats
down the hall
down the stairs
in a building so tall
that it will always be there
yes, it's part of a pair
there on the bow of noah's ark
the most prestigious couple
just kickin back parked
against a perfectly blue sky
on a morning beatific
in its indian summer breeze
on the day that america
fell to its knees
after strutting around for a century
without saying thank you
or please

and the shock was subsonic
and the smoke was deafening
between the setup and the punch line
cuz we were all on time for work that day
we all boarded that plane for to fly
and then while the fires were raging
we all climbed up on the windowsill
and then we all held hands
and jumped into the sky

and every borough looked up when it heard the first blast
and then every dumb action movie was summarily surpassed
and the exodus uptown by foot and motorcar
looked more like war than anything i've seen so far
so far
so far
so fierce and ingenious
a poetic specter so far gone
that every jackass newscaster was struck dumb and stumbling
over 'oh my god' and 'this is unbelievable' and on and on
and i'll tell you what, while we're at it
you can keep the pentagon
keep the propaganda
keep each and every tv
that's been trying to convince me
to participate
in some prep school punk's plan to perpetuate retribution
perpetuate retribution
even as the blue toxic smoke of our lesson in retribution
is still hanging in the air
and there's ash on our shoes
and there's ash in our hair
and there's a fine silt on every mantle
from hell's kitchen to brooklyn
and the streets are full of stories
sudden twists and near misses
and soon every open bar is crammed to the rafters
with tales of narrowly averted disasters
and the whiskey is flowin
like never before
as all over the country
folks just shake their heads
and pour

so here's a toast to all the folks who live in palestine
afghanistan
iraq

el salvador

here's a toast to the folks living on the pine ridge reservation
under the stone cold gaze of mt. rushmore

here's a toast to all those nurses and doctors
who daily provide women with a choice
who stand down a threat the size of oklahoma city
just to listen to a young woman's voice

here's a toast to all the folks on death row right now
awaiting the executioner's guillotine
who are shackled there with dread and can only escape into their heads
to find peace in the form of a dream

cuz take away our playstations
and we are a third world nation
under the thumb of some blue blood royal son
who stole the oval office and that phony election
i mean
it don't take a weatherman
to look around and see the weather
jeb said he'd deliver florida, folks
and boy did he ever

and we hold these truths to be self evident:
#1 george w. bush is not president
#2 america is not a true democracy
#3 the media is not fooling me
cuz i am a poem heeding hyper-distillation
i've got no room for a lie so verbose
i'm looking out over my whole human family
and i'm raising my glass in a toast

here's to our last drink of fossil fuels
let us vow to get off of this sauce
shoo away the swarms of commuter planes
and find that train ticket we lost
cuz once upon a time the line followed the river
and peeked into all the backyards
and the laundry was waving
the graffiti was teasing us
from brick walls and bridges
we were rolling over ridges
through valleys
under stars
i dream of touring like duke ellington
in my own railroad car
i dream of waiting on the tall blonde wooden benches
in a grand station aglow with grace
and then standing out on the platform
and feeling the air on my face

give back the night its distant whistle
give the darkness back its soul
give the big oil companies the finger finally
and relearn how to rock-n-roll
yes, the lessons are all around us and a change is waiting there
so it's time to pick through the rubble, clean the streets
and clear the air
get our government to pull its big dick out of the sand
of someone else's desert
put it back in its pants
and quit the hypocritical chants of
freedom forever

cuz when one lone phone rang
in two thousand and one
at ten after nine
on nine one one
which is the number we all called
when that lone phone rang right off the wall
right off our desk and down the long hall
down the long stairs
in a building so tall
that the whole world turned
just to watch it fall

and while we're at it
remember the first time around?
the bomb?
the ryder truck?
the parking garage?
the princess that didn't even feel the pea?
remember joking around in our apartment on avenue D?

can you imagine how many paper coffee cups would have to change their design
following a fantastical reversal of the new york skyline?!

it was a joke, of course
it was a joke
at the time
and that was just a few years ago
so let the record show
that the FBI was all over that case
that the plot was obvious and in everybody's face
and scoping that scene
religiously
the CIA
or is it KGB?
committing countless crimes against humanity
with this kind of eventuality
as its excuse
for abuse after expensive abuse
and it didn't have a clue
look, another window to see through
way up here
on the 104th floor
look
another key
another door
10% literal
90% metaphor
3000 some poems disguised as people
on an almost too perfect day
should be more than pawns
in some asshole's passion play
so now it's your job
and it's my job
to make it that way
to make sure they didn't die in vain
sshhhhhh....
baby listen
hear the train?



~self evident~
~ani difranco~

j'adore paris! it just felt like home the moment i set foot on their soil. and i ♥ tunisia. for those of you who have never visited the arab world, let me just say that it rocks the casbah. literally. tunisia is one of the best arab countries to visit, too, because they're the most liberal of them all. and they're so happy to have american visitors. they thrive on tourism, but most of their tourists are from france and britain.

i'll post some pics on my french blog. (scroll down on my profile for the link)

i think i've finally decided what i want to do after college. i want to work in foreign affairs. to work at an embassy (esp. in a francophone country) would be ideal. i talked to a lady at the american embassy in tunis, and from what i can tell, it seems to be exactly what i've been looking for. so we'll see.


i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry

i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to

paris. tunisia. today. holy crap.

the sky is too high
to paint tonight
the wind is too strong
to hold onto
i'd climb on your roof
and call out your name
but somebody stole my silver shoes
now the show must go on and on and on

will you still love me anyway
will you still need me when you're victorious
will you still want me when i've nothing to say
will you still love me anyway

i am in the big top
on the live wire
under the gun
over the fire
i'd swing up so high
like a swan i would dive
but someone took my net and then they buried me alive
and the crowd screams for more encore encore

oh i, i need to know why
does a love die
what becomes a lie
when does it begin
tell me how's it end
when you're carved into my skin

will you still love me anyway

i can only dream
of what it will be like
when we're together
holding each other tight
as i kiss your lips
i imagine their taste
full of desire
for you and me
one night together
would it be enough
would we be able to part
and leave the bed
that holds our wishes
our dreams
together
you and me
one night
that stops time
one night
that could last forever
and the next day
you'd be a thousand miles away
dreaming of you and me
until the next time
we can be together
for one night
my love

it's been a really busy week. i've been trying to get a lot done including catching up on the work i've missed in some of my classes. and registering for winter and spring classes. it doesn't look likely that i'm going to france in the spring.
i got anne geddes and celine's book miracle. it's good stress relief. very beautiful.
i dyed my hair last night. i went back to my natural colour. i like it a lot.
it doesn't look likely that i'll get to vote on tuesday unless someone can take me to anderson before 7pm.

my schedule after winter break:

january:
pol 205 - intro to law and the judicial process - jeff poelvoorde

spring:
frn 302 - compostion and civilisation - anthony scavillo
hpe 245 - lifeguard training - margaret moore
itl 102 - elementary italian - natalina ferlauto
thr 100 - intro to theatre - steve hunt
psy 380 - human growth and development - monica mccoy


song of the day:

life is a b movie
it's stupid and it's strange
a directionless story
and the dialogue is lame
but in the he said she said
sometimes there's some poetry
if you turn your back long enough
and let it happen naturally
oh, yeah
hell yeah

i got a face like a limp handshake
hair like an accident scene
i've been waking up slowly
savoring the same old dream
and somewhere between
the folds of your memory
i was sleeping soundly
oh, yeah
hell yeah

'cause i like you
but i know you don't know it
i like you so much,
i talk to everyone but you
and i wonder
what you would think of this little number
i wonder
what you would say if you knew

if you don't ask the right questions
every answer feels wrong
i was a terrible waitress
so i started to write songs
and i don't know how i feel
but i wonder if you feel like me
do you ever get wrapped up
in the folds of my memory
oh, yeah
hell, yeah

'cause i like you
but i know you don't know it
i like you so much
i talk to everyone but you
and i wonder
what you would think of this little number
yeah i wonder
what you would say if you knew

there's a river of people
that runs past my eyes
and it's beautiful enough
just to watch it go by
but the trouble with water is
she'll always leave you for gravity
i never even told you
i had a crush on you or anything
oh, yeah
hell yeah

life is a b movie
it's stupid and it's strange
a directionless story
and the dialogue is lame
but in the he said she said
sometimes there's some poetry
if you turn your back long enough
and let it happen naturally
oh, yeah
hell yeah

hmm... i seem to be hitting a once a week thing now. today is the last day of my fall break. it''s been interesting, yet boring at the same time. amy went home with me for saturday and sunday. my family seemed to like her, which is good. we came back to converse yesterday and watched movies in my room. i've seen four movies this weekend: bound; snow white, the fairest of them all; gothika; and ella enchanted. i'd seen the last three before, but amy hadn't. i went to the mall on sunday and bought the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and the third installment of chobits. i wish i had gone to the music store before the bookstore though, because i found céline's "miracle" cd in a boxed edition that came with a 60-page booklet. but i guess it's better that i didn't get it, because i want to get the book itself. anyhow, i'm gonna get ready for dinner. i think i'm liking this once a week thing for my blog. it makes things easier to keep up with since i update lj ten million times a day.

song of the day:

i don't mind spending everyday
out on your corner in the pouring rain
look for the girl with the broken smile
ask her if she wants to stay awhile
and she will be loved
and she will be loved

tap on my window, knock on my door
i want to make you feel beautiful
i know i tend to get so insecure
it doesn't matter anymore

it's not always rainbows and butterflies
it's compromise that moves us along
my heart is full and my door's always open
you can come anytime you want